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vilandra_pw
03 February 2015 @ 08:01 pm
Best quote to describe my mood for the past two years.

Jack Shephard: How can you read?
Ben Linus: My mother taught me. I can read, Jack, because it beats what you're doing.
Jack Shephard: What's that?
Ben Linus: Waiting for something to happen.

Well, I can't read....

Yeah, exactly the same thing. Waiting for something to happen which I know won't. I have noticed this situation that I have been in for quite some time now. Yet I haven't done a single thing to change it. It's like I'm stuck and can't keep going. I'm fixed on that one moment which ruined everything. Things have been on hold for me ever since. Can't progress, can't do nothing new. Just waiting for it to magically happen. And you would have guessed that I should have been used to being the best expert in ruining my relationships with people by now.

Anyways.. I opened this journal when I was at the bottom and very depressed and I promised that this would be an enjoyable place to forget my sorrow. But it turned out to be the other way around. Whenever I am depressed, I come here to talk and relieve myself. It's like my little box of confessions. It's good to write some stuff anyways. 
 
 
Current Mood: numbnumb
 
 
vilandra_pw
30 August 2014 @ 05:02 am

These days, I feel like trying new things which is not really working out. And going back to old everything? At least I try to. Though some issues that I am having are killing me from the inside literally. I just don't get how reckless and uncaring people can be. I try to fix myself but I feel exactly like this. In vain.


 
 
vilandra_pw
26 August 2014 @ 12:26 pm
Today is a new beginning for me. Actually, the past week was a new beginning for me. I've got a new place to live in, all by myself.. Hope it's for the best. Feeling a little bit depressed because I've had trouble in every step that I took. And I'm penniless. Like really penniless. But what's worse is I'm so penniless even for a dream. Hope I get by.

Friend issues are still the same. It has been more than a year, and this situation still makes me feel sad. Where the hell is justice in this world? Isn't there any understanding? Empathy?

Feeling a bit scared, too, I guess. Work should begin soon, or I'll just go crazy thinking about stuff on my own.

Anyway.. Tomorrow will be much better. Right?
 
 
vilandra_pw
31 July 2013 @ 12:25 pm

My laptop and external hard drive are both going crazy. Holy shit!! The first thing that I thought was "Crap! All my files related to my master studies are just there on the laptop. And they have no back up. If they're gone, I'm dead. So dead!" Now I'm trying to copy all the things that matter to a usb disk. I gotta get a new hard drive it seems. Hope that I won't lose any files. :( I guess this might be a divine message that is telling me to stop fooling around and get back to studying. Thesis proposal deadline is coming up and my supervisor has asked me to do some stuff. But summer and Ramadan has never been a good combination and I don't wanna do anything except sleep, sleep, sleep. Guess I gotta start somewhere.

By the way, I always keep forgetting that this place exists for me to express myself. Just was looking through the app store and found it by chance. Again. Feels good to write.

Tags:
 
 
Current Location: Turkey, Edirne
 
 
vilandra_pw
04 December 2012 @ 11:53 pm
Wow, it's actually been a year since I last wrote here. What I realize is that things haven't changed much. Only my problems at work got bigger each and every year. Isn't it kinda depressing that I still cannot find peace at work? Frak you, people, for causing me trouble!
 
 
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
 
 
 
vilandra_pw
05 December 2011 @ 12:10 am
...  
I'm dying. Emptiness is all I have left these days. Disappointed all the time. My heart aches. It's hard to bear. It's just so meaningless. Friends say "you're not anywhere these days." Well, I'm everywhere, but I'm not actually there. Just pretending. And waiting for something to happen.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
vilandra_pw
12 August 2011 @ 02:10 pm
...  
Is it wrong to want to kill someone? I mean literally.
 
 
Current Mood: angryangry
 
 
vilandra_pw
17 November 2010 @ 02:36 am
Do you believe that violence in media promotes violence in real life? Does media reflect cultural values or can it actively reshape them?

Well, it doesn't really make you a psycho. It just makes you more creative. :)
 
 
vilandra_pw
17 October 2010 @ 03:40 am
What would you do if you only had one month left to live?

I guess I'd do everything that I can't dare to do now. Telling certain people I hate them, quitting my job and yelling at the crazy head of personnel, just having my time and enjoying it.. Maybe packing up and leaving, seeing other places.. Hitchhiking.. Bungee jumping..
 
 
vilandra_pw
09 October 2010 @ 11:48 pm
Which returning TV show are you most excited to see again? Which shows from last season are you going to miss? Are there any new shows that look promising?

Returning show I'm excited about is Dexter, of course. :) Love it!

And the ones I'm gonna miss the most from last season are LOST & 24. :(